


I Need To Tell You Something

by DaisyFairy



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Acceptance, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Genderfluid Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 10:43:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13785822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisyFairy/pseuds/DaisyFairy
Summary: John and Sherlock are together, but John has a secret he needs to share.





	I Need To Tell You Something

**Author's Note:**

> I read [this](http://a-candle-for-sherlock.tumblr.com/post/159462924237/some-mornings-now-sherlock-leaves-his-hair) post on Tumblr and this story popped into my head, not quite the same premise, but I hope you like it.

John lies on his side in his bed, their bed. Sherlock curled up behind him, their bodies moulded together perfectly, Sherlock’s left arm is slung over John’s waist holding him close. Its warm and safe, the early morning light filters through the curtains, only just dispelling the darkness of the night.

He feels Sherlock stir behind him and pull just a little closer as he wakes, and John's eyes fill with tears. He’s made a decision, lying here beside the man he loves, to tell him something, something he has never, never, never told anyone. But he is afraid, so afraid the fear feels like a boulder on his chest.

Sherlock must know he is awake, his muscles are far too tense, his breathing too shallow, to be mistaken for sleep. Sherlock presses a kiss against the back of John's neck and John lets out a shaky sigh.

So quiet, it is almost a breath John asks, “Do you love me?”

Sherlock freezes, and then squeezes John even tighter, then lifts himself up on his elbow to lean over John, to kiss his cheek and caress his face. “Yes, yes, of course I do.”

John’s voice is still so small and a tear escapes as he begs, “Say it, please say it.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you.” Sherlock says, peppering John's face and shoulder with kisses. John catches a glimpse of his devastated face and can't bear to look any more, fixating instead in the chest of drawers directly in front of him across the bedroom.

When Sherlock stops and is just holding John tight and panting in his ear John whispers, “I need to tell you something.”

He can feel Sherlock almost stop breathing. His fingers are holding on so tight they are digging into John's stomach painfully. Sherlock’s voice is high and tight when he replies, “It’s...it’s ok. You don't have to. I forgive you. Whoever she was, I forgive you.”

Almost a minute passes. John hates this. He can feel Sherlock trembling behind him, can feel his tears against his back, but he can't get the words out to reassure him, to tell him it isn't like that.

Sherlock breaks the silence, his voice almost a squeak, “I love you. Its ok. If you...oh God...if you need to be with a woman sometimes. It’s ok. We can work it out.” And he collapses against John's back his body wracked with sobs.

John's heart breaks, this man loves him so much, would even put up with that for him, and he can’t even get the words out. He has to do it, he can’t allow Sherlock to believe he isn’t enough any longer.

John takes a deep breath and blurts out, “It's not like that. I didn’t cheat. I don’t want to cheat. I love you.”

The sobs subside and Sherlock whispers a bewildered, “But..what?”

John grabs Sherlock’s hand to steady himself, entwines their fingers and holds on tight. He’s going to do it, he’s going to say it.

“Sometimes,.... sometimes I want to wear a dress.” He can’t, the words, he doesn’t know how, to explain, how to do that. To say the other things, it’s not just a dress, on those days, it’s so much more, but the dress will have to do for now.

Sherlock goes lax behind him and his breathing deepens, “You scared me.” He rumbles, then smears a kiss against John’s shoulder.

“Sorry.” John sobs, tears of shame joining those of fear dripping onto his pillow.

“Genderfluid then?” Sherlock asks gently.

John shrugs the best he can whilst lying in bed. He doesn’t know what to call it, has purposely avoided labelling it, because that would make it real. But maybe, maybe that’s right. “It’s only sometimes, not very often.” He clarifies.

“Now?” Sherlock breaths.

John shakes his head, no, he never could have found the courage to say this if it was one of those times, when he would be feeling vulnerable already.

“Have you...?”

John’s tears are almost gone, he can feel his muscles loosing the tension they have been holding ever since he made this decision, the weight lifting from his chest, “A few times, in secret, I never told.”

They lie together a few minutes, no more words. Sherlock idly tracing shapes onto John’s stomach. 

“We could go shopping, if you want, buy some things.”

John tenses, the thought of going into a shop, looking at those things, people seeing. His breath becomes short again in panic.

Sherlock gives him a quick squeeze, “Perhaps not. We can order online then. Clothes and...makeup? I’m really very good at makeup, I am a master of disguise you know.”

John shuffles around to face him, can hardly believe this is happening.  
John looks into Sherlock’s eyes in the dim light and sees nothing but acceptance. He had thought Sherlock would accept him, that’s why he made the decision to tell him, but he hadn’t truly believed it until now. “Really? You don’t think I’ll look ridiculous.”

“I think you will look like the man I love, sorry, the person I love. If your taste in women’s clothes is like your taste in men’s you no doubt will look ridiculous, that’s why you need me to help you.”

John laughs, and once he’s started he can’t stop, laughing and crying simultaneously, and somewhere in the middle he manages to gasp out “Prat!”

Sherlock looks inordinately pleased with himself as he pulls John in and kisses him, smearing their lips together, then pulls back to say, “I love every part of you.”

John’s breath catches, he looks Sherlock in the eye and replies, “I know.” and for the first time he truly does.

**Author's Note:**

> As I am not genderfluid myself if I have made any mistakes please do let me know so I can try to fix it.


End file.
